LAX to MCO – 02.06.16-02.11.16
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It has been a while, I realize, since last I wrote – but not too long, in fact, since I’ve ventured south. I recently returned home from a four-night stay in Florida, where my cousin and I dotted across the middle of the state to the Gulf Coast and back before returning to Los Angeles from Orlando. Lured in by $54 roundtrip airfare, we landed on Frontier, a budget airline similar to Spirit that charges extra for everything:  carry-ons, checked luggage, seat assignments, refreshments, reclining seats – all amenities I know I can live without. To feel as if we beat the system, we prepaid for one checked bag, packed all of our clothing into packing cubes and threw them into a single suitcase before heading to the airport. Even with the additional $25/$35 added to our $54 ticket, split two ways, our flight total still ended up under the $100/each mark.

Now we had been to the central Florida area before; a little over a year ago, in fact, when I still worked as a candy maker at Disneyland, we planned an off-season January trip to Orlando where we stayed on-site at the Disney World Resort. That five-night trip was dedicated entirely to the Disney parks, which proved extremely affordable – at that time, room rates paired with dining plans were half-off, all merchandise was nearly half-off, and park-to-park entry was free for cast members and their guests.

The most expensive part of the experience was the airfare and the alcohol.

It was last year’s January trip to Disney World that I like to imagine prepared me for the places, people, things I’m doing now. Had I not trawled through all the blogs and sites dedicated to creating the ~ultimate Disney vacation~, I probably would not have adopted my adept sense of planning, thinking in advance about miscellaneous outliers that may crop up upon your arrival, wherever it may be that time. Perhaps I’ll dedicate a post to this initial trip sometime in the future.

So instead of focusing on Disney World this go around, we decided to shift our attention to the lesser-known, but not necessarily lesser-ventured. We knew we wanted to hit Universal Studios Orlando and Islands of Adventure; then Busch Gardens became a possibility, which meant traveling from Orlando to Tampa and back again. Knowing that Florida’s public transportation system is unreliable, untimely, and intermittent, I was at first hesitant to look into methods of getting to Tampa: surely it would be expensive as hell and departure times would be smack dab in the middle of the day – definitely not ideal. For that reason, Amtrak was out. Lyft and Uber were also unfeasible. Just when I thought we’d have to toss Tampa out altogether, I landed on Megabus. For $13, we could depart from Orlando in the early a.m. and arrive in Tampa before 9, and depart from Tampa the following afternoon and arrive in Orlando in time to check-in to our hotel. Cheap, economical, perfect. It was a go.

I located a tiny house in the historic Ybor City district of Tampa, steps away from a line of bars, clubs, and eateries similar in aesthetic to Old Towne Orange in Orange County, California via airbnb. It ended up being a comfy little space with high ceilings, a picket fence, and a front porch ideal for sitting out and sipping Cuban coffee and toast. To our disappointment, most of the bars we intended to go to were only open Thursday through Saturday; we were in town for only one night, a Sunday. Superbowl Sunday. The Communist-inspired club space was closed; the goth and fetish club was closed; the dive bar to end all dive bars, closed; even the oldest restaurant in Florida closed early enough that we couldn’t grab a bite to eat. Sometimes you end up in a bar district the night most bars are closed (save for the sports-oriented), and you have no choice but to alter your course of action. So order the half-off margaritas. Deal with the angsty server serving you nothing but attitude. Go for the dessert. Ignore the heckler bar patron. Avoid football chat. Listen outside to the band playing at the local venue: it may be Hawthorne Heights, and you know that one song. Better yet: go watch documentaries back at the house.

It happens, and best to not let it get to you. For us, it only made sense to be in Tampa for the one night with the amount of time we had. We had arrived in Orlando around 5 a.m. that Sunday, boarded the Megabus and arrived in Tampa by 9 a.m., arrived in Ybor City for breakfast by 10 a.m., and headed out to Sarasota via Lyft by noon.

In Sarasota, we visited the John and Mable Ringling Museum of Art, the 1926 water-front, Venetian Gothic winter home of John and Mable Ringling that has belonged to the people of Florida since something like 1927. John Ringling, a businessman whose profits from the circus he invested in various other fields, such as oil, coal, etc., was a huge art and book collector, and his collection still exists today in several buildings on site. In addition to the art museum, the library, and Cà d’Zan (House of John), the site includes Mable’s rose garden as well as an elaborate collection of circus history and memorabilia. As a proponent of early amusements, I have done a significant amount of research on the early circuses, dime museums, and Wild West shows. It was very interesting – and very tempting to inundate my cousin with intricate details I’d picked up in books – to see the history of early amusements outlined in timelines, stretched across rooms with original costumes, posters, railcars, and miniatures(!) nearby for reference. I’ve written briefly about my desire to visit the Ringling before, and it was so much larger and much more ornate than I’d imagined. We took our time, toured Cà d’Zan, walked through the garden, and spent close to four hours walking the halls of the museum – and we still didn’t see everything. We were there until they closed, and it was only after we walked out, that we realized we had originally intended to visit both the Ringling in Sarasota and the Dali Museum in St. Petersburg, about 45 minutes north of Sarasota, that afternoon. Unfortunately we couldn’t accomplish both, and the Dali Museum will have to wait until next time.

It is also unfortunate that Lyft is unavailable in the Sarasota area. We ended up having an unenjoyable experience with the Uber driver we took from Sarasota back to Tampa – a ride that there took about 45 minutes took close to an hour and a half without traffic on the way back. And instead of using a maps application, our driver kept his phone in his hand and would continuously zoom in and out on our drop-off location, leading him to pull-over several times during our ride. I could forgive the fact that he wasn’t familiar with the location, but I cannot forgive him for refusing our help with directions. Nevermind the fact that he racked up enough drive time and distance to charge us double for the ride.

Reason #412 not to trust men. I wish I was kidding. I’m only kind of laughing as I write this.

Anyway, by the time we arrived back in Ybor, it was time to grab a drink, write a terrible Uber review, and eat some food. Which we did. Happily.

Perhaps at this point, it sounds like our recent trip to Florida was nothing but a let-down, as I trudge through detailing our barrage of bad luck: Superbowl Sunday, a closed BDSM club, a shitty driver. Honestly, not as unwelcome as it seems. Nothing a gin and tonic can’t fix, or a Cuban sandwich can’t cure.

Monday morning we headed to Busch Gardens, toting with us the suitcase we weren’t sure with what we were going to do. I had read that lockers were available outside the main gate, but ones that were not large enough to accommodate the size of our suitcase, we came to find out. Instead, they tagged it and held it in their guest services office. Simple enough. And free.

We continued straight to the kangaroo habitat where we bottle-fed ADULT kangaroos. And here I thought I would never bottle-feed anything. Rubbing the back of its head as its eyes turned to slits as it gulped down the liquid was an experience I’ll never forget. I don’t normally get worked up about cute… but this was super cute. The rest of the day was spent mostly exploring the animal sanctuaries, and riding the Sky Ride, a swinging gondola that offers views of the Serengeti. We did a few rides – of course, the carousel – but mostly our time was spent venturing through the park, eating all we can eat, drinking all we could drink with BOGO cocktails, and looking for the attributes that make Busch Gardens Tampa unique from other theme parks.

I, too, have divulged this piece of information before, that my cousin and I are big on theme parks. When we spent two and a half weeks touring through Denmark, Norway, and the Netherlands last July and August, we managed to hit four theme parks – two in one day. But perhaps this interlude would be best served to on another day, in an essay dedicated to the history of the early pleasure gardens, and a personal piece devoted to my 2015 trip through Europe.

Nevertheless, overwhelmed by the sight of elephants, flamingos, bats, cheetahs, we very nearly missed our Megabus back to Orlando. Had we arrived at the bus terminal five minutes later than we did, we might have been stuck in Tampa an additional night – or we might’ve booked a Greyhound later that evening. I guess we’ll never know.

We arrived in Orlando and checked into our hotel just off International Drive (and about a ten minute Lyft ride away from Universal CityWalk) by 7 p.m. From there, we walked to a Thai restaurant and stopped by a Chevron gas station where we found the last bottle of champagne hidden behind a couple bottles of sparkling wine. We drank to the victory of conquering Tampa and successfully making it to Orlando, the mecca of Florida tourism. True story: there’s a mini golf course down the street from where we stayed where you can feed 2 year old alligators hot dogs on a fishing pole. The gator that nabbed my hot dog actually did death-rolls to try to pull my hot dog pole from me and into the pit; the tug-of-war continued for about ten minutes. I won.

On Tuesday, we took a tour to Crystal River where we, in the 50-some F weather, pulled on wetsuits and floated with the plethora of manatees that every winter congregate in the shallow, 70 F water of the river. Manatees are protected, and it is against the law to touch them, swim over them, corner them, etc. Those who decide to swim with manatees agree to practice passive observation, wherein they slowly float past the mammals with their faces in the water; snorkel and goggles aid in this practice. Because of the sheer number of manatees in the Crystal River at this time of the year, it was next to impossible to not see them. At one point, one surfaced for air and I was face to face with the curious creature; at the time of writing, I haven’t yet developed my film camera. Hopefully some of these shots come out visible and clear.

Honestly, it is kind of scary at first. Manatees look like large floating boulders when you catch them at first glance; but it only takes a couple minutes and a few manatee passings to become acclimated to the sight of these giant, gentle sea cows! We saw several babies, and yes, there were several times when one even happened to brush against our legs. It was an ethereal, out-of-body experience, and I highly encourage anyone and everyone to give it a go.

We followed up our swim by stopping at the Homosassa Springs Wildlife State Park, where we observed how manatees eat (they use their lip similar to the way an elephant uses its trunk), as well as nesting pelicans, alligator mating calls, and a famous hippopotamus named Lou whose birthday is celebrated by visiting school children every year. We concluded our day by riding on an airboat through swamps, and rubbing the belly of a baby gator named Wilbur.

It feels almost redundant to discuss Universal Studios Florida and its neighboring park, Islands of Adventure. Everyone knows it’s got Diagon Alley and Harry Potter shit. And it’s cool, don’t get me wrong. I had been once before: last October when I traveled to Orlando solo for the Food and Wine Festival at EPCOT. That time, I did both Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure in one day, and did Horror Nights by night.

This time, I was excited to bring Lily because I knew how much she’d enjoy the Mummy rollercoaster (very different from the Hollywood version, with the inclusion of Brendan Fraser) and the forested queue for ET. We didn’t get to do everything, but we did a lot. The Beetlejuice Revue had been removed since October, and the Hollywood Rip, Ride, Rockit was closed because of the wind. Bummer, since we both wanted to ride a coaster synched to Limp Bizkit.

And of course, we visited the Wizarding World. The attractions are super rad, and the level of attention given to each detail of the land is astounding. And this is coming from people who are not very devout Harry Potter fans. We’ve both seen a couple of the films, and I had read part of the first book in second grade. That’s pretty much as far as our knowledge of the world goes. Nonetheless, we were able to enjoy butter beer and pumpkin juice to our hearts’ content, as well as the theming of the shops. While waiting for the train at the 9 ¾ platform, Lily even shotgunned an imported beer. It just felt like the thing to do.

All in all, this brief trip to Florida, though pretty last minute (planned less than a month in advance), turned out well. We conversed with many metal-loving servers, even a Christian metal-only kind of guy, during our stay; even donned beads, masks, and tiaras during Mardi Gras. We listened to Japanese techo with a Venezuelan native, swapped mints with a local, discussed cruising with a family guy, talked medical marijuana with a former Brooklynite, and were told the history of a methamphetamine tree fire by an old school Floridian.

Until next time.

-n

PS – I am in the process of developing film right now, since my digital was being repaired while I was out of town. Hopefully I can get some pictures up soon to make this post a little more palatable for the image-inclined.